‘I tried so hard to make her happy, but she feels very lonely. Am I a bad husband?” Robert ( name changed ), a close friend of mine, is talking about her wife. This was an old incident. Grace ( name changed ) and Robert were college-time sweethearts, happily married for almost four years.
Why am I talking about them? The answer is very simple: This is the story of most relationships? These are the few particular behaviors or behavioral attributes that can kill your marriage.
We tend to expect from our partners. But when our expectations demand the sacrifice of our partners’ individual existence and mental peace, it always creates a rift in their life, as well as our relationship. The same happened with Robert when Grace started to continue nagging instead of talking about the anxiety issues she was dealing with in her life.
The expectation is natural, but it’s never a one-way route; we are also supposed to provide happiness and comfort to our better half.
Sometimes you don’t know about these hidden factors that are harmful to you and your relationship.
Constant rumination is an evil loop. It’s human nature to think about bad experiences and our misery. But it should have some boundaries. When we are trapped in the habit of repeatedly overthinking the same thing, it can destroy our rational thinking process and grow anxieties and sadness in our minds. It is alarming for you if you realize you don’t have any pause button over your thinking.
Rumination is an emotional process of thinking the same thought that is sad or not cheerful, over and over. It is a relentless loop of negative thinking that can affect your partner’s mindset in the long run. Sometimes, if one partner feels constant sadness, the other goes into the moral guilt that they lack love and care.
So if you are doing this, then talk clearly. It is good to speak about your issues Realistically. Make a will to solve these problems with the help of each other. Stop thinking and start talking.
It’s ok to nag about things, but to what extent. You feel desolate from the inside. But instead, to reach out, you choose to nag and judge (verbal or silent). Maybe, You believe it’s happening because your partner doesn’t give you quality time, but you don’t make any effort to hear another side.
Blaming is always an easy option but more deadly for a happy life.
We make our and our partner’s life difficult on a daily basis with our nagging, awkward silence or sarcasm judging.
It is really easy to blame your partner for your sorrows. Well, we all talk about positivity in our lives, but how can you lead a positive life with negative behavior or mindset.
You tend to judge people and yourself; it’s time to stop judging.
I’m a pessimist because of intelligence, but an optimist because of will.”
― Antonio Gramsci, Gramsci’s Prison Letters
We all feel desolate at some point in life. But the long-term feeling of emptiness or loneliness is not good for you. It’s simple, you feel alone and depressed, and as a result, you cut from people, especially your partner, instead of reaching out.
But the point is, due to this, your partner can also feel loneliness in a relationship.
You always see their mistakes, but it might be your pessimism.
Our pessimism makes us watch through the foggy glasses. We always feel less worthy, then we gradually start shifting our mindset towards our partner’s fault, and we forget to cherish the beauty of our fantastic relation.
Life is both hell and heaven. Of course, it has its own ups and downs. But don’t dwell over pessimism.
You feel your sex equation is no more affectionate or just a raunchy act. Sex and romance play a vital role in our mental well-being. But I am not saying that just go for a sexual connection with your partner without any romance and emotional connection or for just sort of doing it. If you are not into doing it, then don’t do it. But open about your feelings about this to your partner. Don’t stay silent, and also understand how your partners feel about it.
You tend to take their productive criticism as offensive. It is basic human nature to receive negative more than positive. But a line should be drawn.
You never appreciate the small gestures that your partner makes for your happiness. Don’t focus on results; focus on their gestures; half the problem will be solved just by this.
We always expect our partner to solve and be our fairy angle. But is that justified to them? We all are human beings and have our emotional baggage and meltdown points.
So please take a deep breath and think it’s their negative energy or you are so trapped in your negativity.
Try to be self-compassionate and be compassionate to your partner as well. Don’t do self-pity.
It’s time to stop dwelling on negative thoughts.
Your inner fight or loneliness can sabotage your mind and your love.
Always focus on one thing; you both are individual
It’s not bad to set some boundaries in emotion
Never be shy to talk about your sadness and problems.
Sometimes unknowingly, our hidden insecurities or weakness can do enough harm to our mind and to our relationship too. You need to figure out that this whole negativity is happening because of your spouse or because of your weak mind. There are chances that your spouse is making you insane or maybe because of your mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. Is it because of the pressure of the job, or is this because of a manipulative partner?
Signs that it’s not your mistake. The problem is your partner.
What do you think about these mysterious behavioral attributes that destroy marriage and inner peace?
Conclusion- It is always worth a try to shift the positive gear of your mindset.
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